Driving for Dummies

This is how not to drive on the road, for dummies. Most of you might be good, responsible drivers and you may not need this. But if you drive regularly and are like me I am sure you’ll share my sentiments on most of what I’ve listed below. If you’ve got more, please add your dos/donts in the comments column below. 

1.     Dummies who speak on the phone while driving especially those riding bikes in that insane posture, phone crammed between shoulder and ear; I have to say this - You’re neither that busy (important) nor the call that important. You’re definitely not speaking on a conference call with the US clients (which may not be important either). You have your whole life to fight and trade insults with your girlfriend and you don’t need another credit card or personal loan. So use the call log in your mobile phone to catch up on the missed calls.

2.     Then there are those sons of mouses (sundelli ku porandhavange) who’ll try to wriggle their way through the tiniest gap. When you’re backing out they’ll squeeze through before you’re done. When you’re making a U-turn on the left they’d be going straight and they’ll squirm their way through on your left even though you’ve had your indicator on for the past mile or so.

3.      Picture this: There’s a busy main road and you’re trying to take a right from an adjoining road to join the main road. There’s no police manning the intersection. Nobody on the main road ever stops to let the others go which is in line with the general mean spirit of the times but when you finally get a chance and you’re almost three quarters of the way across the road, there’ll be those intolerable fools who’ll go around your vehicle as if tracing it’s shape but won’t stop for those few seconds to let you go. Aargh! For dummies who do this, please don’t.

4.      Keep left but overtake on the right. And don’t overtake on the left while turning. That’s wrong on so many levels. When turning on to a wide road, most of these idiots will not maintain the trajectory of their turn, they’ll criss-cross wildly. What’s with that? How are people to know where you’re going?

5.      I won’t even talk about lane discipline and switching lanes (No, I’ve not returned from the US) which I know is asking too much. All I ask is stick to your side of the road. Have you not seen Anniyan? You’ll see a lot of these people especially when there is a heavy traffic build-up; one side of a 2-way road would be totally free while the other side is jam-packed and people would have been waiting patiently for the traffic to clear. These over-smart dummies (on two-wheelers, autos and sometimes cars also) would whiz past everybody and plonk themselves bang in the middle of the other side of the road (as if nobody could think of such an ingenious idea) effectively blocking the other side as well and worsening the situation. These fools do this even when there is a median across the road and even when there is a policeman around.

6.      I don’t think any of those drag racing punks (from Besant Nagar Beach) have bought those bikes themselves. It’s all dad’s money. I wonder if these dads of punks know how their precious little boys are endangering everybody’s lives on the road. I once saw one of them knock over a middle-aged man and his wife off their scooter. Yen da? Go play a video game or if you’re good enough, go race like Ajith, don’t show off on the roads.

7.      People who park in front of gates: It is so obvious that I am left speechless. I don’t know what to say to these people. To others who park on the road, please park and let park. Just because you’re early, you can’t take up 2 cars worth of space. Draw a box on the road and practise parking/reversing the car all night till you’re able to position the car in the box, like Revathi practises the same dance step over and over in Punnagai Mannan.